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The Unspoken Language of the Body Many of us grew up in homes where emotions didn’t have words. You might remember moments when you felt sad and a caregiver said, “You must be hungry, let’s get you a snack.” Growing up in an Italian home, these were words I heard often from my well-meaning Nonna, who just loved to feed me and see me happy. Or, perhaps your experience was of feeling scared and being told, “Don’t be silly, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” These responses certainly weren’t meant to harm us. Most often, they came from caregivers doing their best - people who had never been taught to understand or name their own emotions. But over time, these moments quietly taught the body a powerful lesson: my feelings aren’t safe to show, maybe even not safe to feel. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges (2011), helps us understand why this matters. Our nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or danger, and not just in the world around us, but also in our relationships. When emotional expression is met with confusion, shame, or is dismissed, the nervous system learns to mute those signals. So that over time, we may lose touch with our body’s emotional vocabulary altogether. The good news is this: the body still speaks, communicating through sensations even when words fall silent. You can learn to understand its language again — slowly, kindly, and with curiosity. That’s the work of somatic awareness: learning to listen to what your body has been trying to tell you all along The Body as the First Language of Emotion
Long before we had words, we had sensations. A quickened heartbeat, a sinking feeling in the stomach, a lump in the throat — these were our earliest ways of knowing how we felt. Emotions aren’t abstract concepts floating in the mind; they’re physiological experiences that ripple through the body (van der Kolk, 2014). So you might see anger appear as heat in the face or tension in the jaw. Fear might flutter through the stomach or tighten the chest. And joy might soften the muscles and feel warm around the heart, expand the breath, and bring warmth to the skin. As trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk (2014) reminds us, emotions live in the body as much as in the mind. They are messages, sensations that want to be noticed. When we begin to tune in to these internal cues, not as symptoms to fix but as information to understand, we reconnect the mind and body in ways that are deeply healing. On a side note (shameless promotion for counselling coming up here…!), this is why therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Somatic Experiencing, and mindfulness-based approaches place such emphasis on the felt sense (a concept that refers to how we experience or feel emotion in the body). Developing this inner listening allows us to recognize emotion as information rather than as something to fear or suppress. When It Feels Uncomfortable I am going to share with you a practice that you can try at home. However, first I want to mention that if turning your attention inward feels challenging, you’re not alone. For those who have experienced trauma, the body can feel like uncertain ground. After all, sensations were once the messengers of pain, fear, or loss, and your nervous system wisely learned to protect you by turning the volume down. From a polyvagal perspective (Dana, 2018; Porges, 2021), this is a survival response, not a flaw. The body’s defenses — numbing, distraction, shutting down — are ways of preserving safety when it once wasn’t available. So as you move into the practice that follows, please remember: there is no right pace, and you don’t need to feel anything specific. The goal isn’t to force awareness, but to invite it — gently, with compassion, and always with choice. You can also choose not to engage in the practice at this time, or to have a supportive person in your life try it with you — you know yourself best and you are in charge here. Reconnecting Through Somatic Awareness Somatic awareness simply means paying attention, intentionally and compassionately, to the sensations that arise in your body. It’s the practice of noticing what’s happening inside you with curiosity, without judgment, and without the need to change it. Here’s a simple practice, if you feel up for giving it a try: Start Small: Choose a quiet moment when you’ll have a couple of minutes to yourself. If it’s comfortable, lie down and settle in. As you center with your breath, bring to mind an emotion you’ve been feeling lately. Begin with something mild — perhaps irritation rather than anger, restlessness rather than grief. As you notice that emotion, gently turn your attention away from what sparked it and drop your awareness into your body. Notice where that emotion sits — perhaps in your chest, your stomach, your shoulders, your hands, or your face. Body Scan: Now that you’ve recognized where the emotion lives in your body, widen your awareness — like zooming out with a camera — to notice what else is present. Move your attention slowly from the top of your head through your body and down to your toes, simply noticing sensations, temperature, pressure, or areas of warmth and tightness (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). This sequence is intentional. Beginning with one small area helps you widen awareness gradually, prevent overwhelm, and reinforce curiosity over avoidance. The body scan becomes a way of broadening your focus safely, helping you notice not just where the emotion is held, but how it shifts and interacts with the rest of your system. Name What You Find: Try giving language to what you notice. You might say, “I feel heaviness in my chest,” or “there’s a fluttering in my stomach.” Even if you can’t name the exact emotion yet, describing the sensation itself begins to reconnect the circuit between mind and body (Lieberman et al., 2007; Gendlin, 1981; Siegel, 2012). Breathe with It: Finally, bring your attention back to your breath — feeling the inhale, then the easy release of the exhale. Slow, steady breathing signals safety to the nervous system (Porges, 2021) and helps you stay grounded as you explore. As you breathe, notice with curiosity: what has shifted? What is the felt sense of that emotion doing now? With practice, you may begin to recognize patterns — certain sensations that accompany particular emotions or memories. Over time, this awareness becomes an anchor. It helps you recognize the early whispers of emotion before they swell into overwhelm. Creating Conditions of Safety If you noticed that turning inward stirred up discomfort, that’s completely natural. For some, paying attention to the body can awaken sensations that have been quiet for a long time. There’s no rush here: the goal is to create conditions of safety that allow awareness to emerge naturally. Here are a few ways to help your nervous system settle:
Why Support Matters Learning to connect with emotion, including the felt sense of emotion can feel new and uncomfortable at first. If that is the case for you, please know that you don’t have to do the work alone. A counsellor trained in trauma-informed approaches can guide you in noticing sensations without overwhelm, helping you pace the process and build capacity for emotional regulation. In EMDR therapy, this often begins with resourcing: developing grounding practices and internal templates that create a sense of safety, nurturing, or protection. We might also anchor into supportive memories that evoke calm and stability (Shapiro, 2018)). These become inner anchors that allow you to explore emotional material without being swept away by it. Over time, you learn that emotions can rise and fall without destabilizing you — that they are waves, not undertows. The Journey Toward Emotional Awareness Learning to recognize and regulate emotion is something we can cultivate. If we weren’t taught how to feel and name our inner experiences, reconnecting with them later in life can feel awkward, even frightening. But with practice and safety, it becomes a path home to yourself. At first, you might only notice small moments — a flicker of warmth in the heart when you see a friend, a tightness in the chest before you speak your truth. These moments are the nervous system learning a new language: the language of emotion. As you continue, awareness deepens. You begin to trust that your body is not your enemy — it’s your ally, your internal compass. Each sensation, each breath, is an invitation to listen more closely. Because healing doesn’t always begin with words. Sometimes, it begins with the simple act of noticing — and realizing that your body has been speaking to you all along. References Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Gendlin, E. T. (1981). Focusing. Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Porges, S. W. (2021). Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
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Part 1: Understanding FOMOFear of missing out is an anxiety about missing out on rewarding experiences that others seem to be having. In the highly digital world we live in, where social media constantly displays snapshots of other people's lives, this feeling is amplified. What we see on social media is far from the complete picture. It's akin to watching only the highlights of a sports game, missing out on the timeouts, mistakes, or less exciting moments. People tend to share their best, most picturesque experiences online. Intellectually, we understand that life isn’t a non-stop series of perfect moments. But emotionally, when we see images of others’ activities or when we feel left out, the sensation of missing out can feel overwhelmingly intense and emotionally painful. Why Are We So Impacted by FOMO?Tara Brach, a renowned mindfulness expert, sheds light on this with her insights on social comparison: We often compare our own lives with those we see on social media, potentially leading to feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. This comparison isn’t limited to activities; it extends to lifestyles and achievements as well. Being social creatures, we have an innate desire to connect and feel included. We fear missing out on experiences that we believe are crucial for maintaining our social bonds. Additionally, factors like low self-esteem and insecurities can predispose some individuals to a heightened need for external validation. In such cases, a person might feel compelled to partake in specific events or activities to feel valued or accepted. This attachment to external approval fuels FOMO, where social recognition becomes a significant source of self-esteem. Sarah Peyton offers a compelling neurobiological perspective. She discusses the concept of alarmed aloneness — our brains are hardwired for connection and warmth in relationships. When we experience disconnection or isolation, our brain can trigger a state of alarm, initiating stress responses and potentially leading to feelings of anxiety and fear. Thus, FOMO isn’t solely about missing events or experiences; it's also about missing essential social connections and interactions that are crucial for our emotional and neurological health. In the realm of social media, where an idealized version of connectivity is often portrayed, this sense of alarmed aloneness can be exacerbated, intensifying the feelings associated with FOMO. Part 2: Coping Strategies for Immediate ReliefThe following information is designed to combat the intense anxiety often triggered by FOMO. These steps work wonders because they anchor you back into the present moment, pulling your mind away from the "what ifs" and "what could have beens." A mind that frequently wanders, especially to thoughts of potential missed experiences, isn’t fully in the here and now. This lack of presence can heighten feelings of FOMO, as you’re not completely immersed in your current experiences, leading to a persistent sense of missing out. 1) Acknowledge the Feeling: When contending the unsettling sensation of FOMO, it's crucial to first recognize and accept your emotions. This initial step of acknowledgment is vital. Often, there's a natural tendency to suppress uncomfortable emotions, attempting to push them aside. However, this approach is counterproductive. Suppressing emotions doesn't eliminate them; instead, it can cause these feelings to resurface in unexpected and potentially harmful ways. And the act of suppression requires significant mental effort and energy, which can be exhausting and detrimental to our overall well-being. So rather than fighting these feelings, embrace a stance of awareness and acceptance. Acknowledge your anxiety by mentally noting it: "Hey, I see you, anxiety. I understand why you're here, but right now, you're not serving me." This approach not only conserves your mental energy but also puts you in a position to manage your emotions more effectively, paving the way for healthier coping strategies. Remember, the goal isn't to eradicate these feelings but to acknowledge and understand them, reducing their power over you and allowing for more constructive emotional regulation. 2) Breathe: Deep breathing is an effective tool for soothing your nervous system and can act as a reset for your brain. When you engage in deep breathing, you're essentially signalling to your body that you're safe and okay. This practice helps shift your body from a state of heightened alertness, often triggered by stress or anxiety, to a state of calm. The mechanism behind this is rooted in our physiology. Deep and slow breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which runs from the brain through the face and thorax to the abdomen. This stimulation activates the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the 'rest and digest' system. It counteracts the 'fight or flight' response of the sympathetic nervous system, associated with stress and anxiety. Deep breathing decreases heart rate and blood pressure, thereby reducing stress levels. One effective technique for deep breathing is the 4-7-8 method. It's straightforward and powerful in its simplicity:
Click here for the YouTube video of this article, with a guided practice of 4-7-8 This rhythmic pattern of breathing not only helps in calming your nervous system but also brings your attention back to the present moment, anchoring you in a state of mindfulness. It's a practical, quick, and easy method to regain control over your emotional state, particularly useful for shifting out of anxiety . 3) Movement: Having acknowledged your emotions and utilized deep breathing to ground yourself in the present, you might still find yourself grappling with the agitation stirred by FOMO. In such moments, when anxiety feels overwhelming, introducing physical movement can be incredibly beneficial. Movement helps because when we experience emotions like anxiety, our bodies often enter a state of heightened arousal as part of the 'fight or flight' response. This state is characterized by increased energy and tension in the body. Movement allows us to use that energy, facilitating a release of tension and helping to reset our nervous system. Engaging in physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins, our body's natural mood elevators, which can have a calming effect on our mind. The type of movement that works best can vary from person to person. The key is to find a form of movement that feels good and suits your current state. It's not about intensity or duration; it's about movement as a tool to help discharge emotional activation and restore a sense of balance in your nervous system. 4) Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is the art of being kind and understanding toward ourselves, especially in times of difficulty or stress. It's about acknowledging our feelings without judgment and offering ourselves the same kindness we would to a good friend. What you need to know is that the way you feel when you are experiencing FOMO is normal. These emotions, as intense as they may be, are a normal part of the human experience. It's vital, therefore, to refrain from self-criticism or negative self-talk. And most importantly, if you're feeling urges to harm yourself in any way, please remember that there are healthier ways to find relief.
Start by taking a deep breath and acknowledging the urge is there, without judgment of self. Observe it as an outside observer might, noting its intensity and where you feel it in your body. Keep breathing deeply, anchoring yourself in the present. Remind yourself that urges are temporary; like waves, they will dissipate. As you continue to breathe and observe, you'll notice the urge losing its power, diminishing like a wave receding back into the ocean. This process empowers you to handle distress without resorting to harmful behaviours, fostering resilience and a sense of control over your emotional world." Remember, you're not in this alone. Reach out to someone you trust. - a family member, a friend, a counsellor, or a support line. Sometimes, the simple act of voicing your feelings can significantly diminish their intensity. If you have the option to reach out to a family member, this may be your opportunity to Deepen Connections: talking to them may provide you with a shift in focus, which can alleviate anxiety and fear of missing out, enabling you to value and cherish your current moment Part 3 - Creating a Positive Experience for SelfImagine this scenario: you've chosen to stay in, and initially, it feels a bit uncomfortable, maybe even boring. You might feel like you're missing out on a fun gathering with friends. But here's where that old perspective shifts: sometimes, the most rewarding company you can have is your own. Learning to enjoy your own company isn't just about passing time; it's about becoming a friend to yourself, embracing self-connection and mindfulness. And, this ability to befriend self is an essential skill. After all, you are the one constantly in your life. Embracing solitude as an opportunity for self-discovery and enjoyment is a habit worth cultivating. I've even given it a fun name for you. This transformative concept will now forever be referred to as MOMO - which stands for Mindfulness of Missing Out: where we will emphasize being mindful and present in the moments you choose for yourself, instead of worrying about what you're not participating in. Here's how to set up your time: Be Intentional
Be Realistic
Be Compassionate
I'm excited for you to move beyond the emotional distress FOMO can bring, and to experience the joy and satisfaction of befriending yourself. It's a transformative process that I believe will bring you great peace and contentment.
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AuthorSusan Guttridge is a trauma-informed Master level Counsellor with the clinical designation of Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCPA). She has 20+ years experience providing individual and group therapy. Archives
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