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In the journey of emotional healing, understanding the felt sense of emotion is a cornerstone. Somatic awareness refers to the conscious perception and attention to bodily sensations. These sensations are the embodiment of emotion because emotions are not solely mental states; they are also deeply intertwined with physical experiences in the body. Somatic awareness plays a key role in understanding and processing emotions. Somatic awareness is an integral part of trauma treatment and is central to EMDR therapy.  The Mind and Body of Emotion Emotions are not just abstract concepts; they have physical manifestations. For example, anger might manifest as muscle tension or shallow breathing; fear might lead to an increased heart rate, sweating, or a sensation of tightness in the chest; and happiness might manifest as a sense of lightness or warmth. We can gain deeper insight into our emotional state by becoming aware of these physical cues. This awareness is more than just an intellectual exercise; it's a path to deeper emotional understanding, self-awareness, and healing. Tracking the Felt Sense of Emotion Learning to track the felt sense of emotion is a critical skill in emotional regulation, involving a keen awareness and understanding of one's bodily sensations that accompany emotions. And, becoming attuned to the subtle changes within the body that signal emotional shifts is a core feature of EMDR. A Gentle Approach to Somatic Experiencing Here's a simple guide to start noticing your body's emotional signals:
Overcoming Discomfort If this process feels uncomfortable, remember it's a natural part of emotional growth. Start with momentary noticing and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice. It’s important to be patient and kind to yourself through this process. Working with a Counsellor - Don't Go It Alone! While these techniques can be practiced independently, working with a Counsellor can be incredibly beneficial. A Counsellor can provide guidance, support, and personalized strategies to help you navigate and understand your emotional landscape more effectively. Waking Up the Nervous System For those who have a habit of suppressing or avoiding emotions, gently stimulating the nervous system can be beneficial. This helps to 'wake up' the nervous system from shutdown. Here are some methods:
Remember, you know yourself best. Listen to your body, and use what feels right for you.
The Journey Toward Emotional Awareness Learning to regulate emotions isn't an innate skill; it's something we acquire over time, often through guidance and practice. Without such learning opportunities, becoming aware of our emotional sensations can seem overwhelming. Initially, if we haven't been taught to recognize and sit with our emotions without feeling overpowered by them, our instinct might be to push these feelings away, ignore them, or seek distraction. Over time, these avoidance strategies can become deeply ingrained, making the idea of facing intense emotions intimidating. Feeling uncertain, uncomfortable, or even overwhelmed when starting to notice and describe emotional sensations in your body is entirely expected. It's akin to the early stages of learning any new skill, where everything feels unfamiliar and challenging. The key is to recognize and stay present with these emotional sensations despite the discomfort. In light of this, EMDR therapists introduce emotional and somatic awareness gradually. It's a process that respects your pace, gently encouraging the exploration of the felt sense of emotion and learning to observe their rise and fall. This gentle approach aims to build your comfort with naming and noticing these sensations, thereby enhancing your ability to remain grounded in the present moment. Through this supportive framework, you'll gradually develop a more profound capacity to engage with emotions, transforming what might once have seemed daunting into a source of strength and insight.
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Part 1: Understanding FOMOFear of missing out is an anxiety about missing out on rewarding experiences that others seem to be having. In the highly digital world we live in, where social media constantly displays snapshots of other people's lives, this feeling is amplified. What we see on social media is far from the complete picture. It's akin to watching only the highlights of a sports game, missing out on the timeouts, mistakes, or less exciting moments. People tend to share their best, most picturesque experiences online. Intellectually, we understand that life isn’t a non-stop series of perfect moments. But emotionally, when we see images of others’ activities or when we feel left out, the sensation of missing out can feel overwhelmingly intense and emotionally painful. Why Are We So Impacted by FOMO?Tara Brach, a renowned mindfulness expert, sheds light on this with her insights on social comparison: We often compare our own lives with those we see on social media, potentially leading to feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. This comparison isn’t limited to activities; it extends to lifestyles and achievements as well. Being social creatures, we have an innate desire to connect and feel included. We fear missing out on experiences that we believe are crucial for maintaining our social bonds. Additionally, factors like low self-esteem and insecurities can predispose some individuals to a heightened need for external validation. In such cases, a person might feel compelled to partake in specific events or activities to feel valued or accepted. This attachment to external approval fuels FOMO, where social recognition becomes a significant source of self-esteem. Sarah Peyton offers a compelling neurobiological perspective. She discusses the concept of alarmed aloneness — our brains are hardwired for connection and warmth in relationships. When we experience disconnection or isolation, our brain can trigger a state of alarm, initiating stress responses and potentially leading to feelings of anxiety and fear. Thus, FOMO isn’t solely about missing events or experiences; it's also about missing essential social connections and interactions that are crucial for our emotional and neurological health. In the realm of social media, where an idealized version of connectivity is often portrayed, this sense of alarmed aloneness can be exacerbated, intensifying the feelings associated with FOMO. Part 2: Coping Strategies for Immediate ReliefThe following information is designed to combat the intense anxiety often triggered by FOMO. These steps work wonders because they anchor you back into the present moment, pulling your mind away from the "what ifs" and "what could have beens." A mind that frequently wanders, especially to thoughts of potential missed experiences, isn’t fully in the here and now. This lack of presence can heighten feelings of FOMO, as you’re not completely immersed in your current experiences, leading to a persistent sense of missing out. 1) Acknowledge the Feeling: When contending the unsettling sensation of FOMO, it's crucial to first recognize and accept your emotions. This initial step of acknowledgment is vital. Often, there's a natural tendency to suppress uncomfortable emotions, attempting to push them aside. However, this approach is counterproductive. Suppressing emotions doesn't eliminate them; instead, it can cause these feelings to resurface in unexpected and potentially harmful ways. And the act of suppression requires significant mental effort and energy, which can be exhausting and detrimental to our overall well-being. So rather than fighting these feelings, embrace a stance of awareness and acceptance. Acknowledge your anxiety by mentally noting it: "Hey, I see you, anxiety. I understand why you're here, but right now, you're not serving me." This approach not only conserves your mental energy but also puts you in a position to manage your emotions more effectively, paving the way for healthier coping strategies. Remember, the goal isn't to eradicate these feelings but to acknowledge and understand them, reducing their power over you and allowing for more constructive emotional regulation. 2) Breathe: Deep breathing is an effective tool for soothing your nervous system and can act as a reset for your brain. When you engage in deep breathing, you're essentially signalling to your body that you're safe and okay. This practice helps shift your body from a state of heightened alertness, often triggered by stress or anxiety, to a state of calm. The mechanism behind this is rooted in our physiology. Deep and slow breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which runs from the brain through the face and thorax to the abdomen. This stimulation activates the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the 'rest and digest' system. It counteracts the 'fight or flight' response of the sympathetic nervous system, associated with stress and anxiety. Deep breathing decreases heart rate and blood pressure, thereby reducing stress levels. One effective technique for deep breathing is the 4-7-8 method. It's straightforward and powerful in its simplicity:
Click here for the YouTube video of this article, with a guided practice of 4-7-8 This rhythmic pattern of breathing not only helps in calming your nervous system but also brings your attention back to the present moment, anchoring you in a state of mindfulness. It's a practical, quick, and easy method to regain control over your emotional state, particularly useful for shifting out of anxiety . 3) Movement: Having acknowledged your emotions and utilized deep breathing to ground yourself in the present, you might still find yourself grappling with the agitation stirred by FOMO. In such moments, when anxiety feels overwhelming, introducing physical movement can be incredibly beneficial. Movement helps because when we experience emotions like anxiety, our bodies often enter a state of heightened arousal as part of the 'fight or flight' response. This state is characterized by increased energy and tension in the body. Movement allows us to use that energy, facilitating a release of tension and helping to reset our nervous system. Engaging in physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins, our body's natural mood elevators, which can have a calming effect on our mind. The type of movement that works best can vary from person to person. The key is to find a form of movement that feels good and suits your current state. It's not about intensity or duration; it's about movement as a tool to help discharge emotional activation and restore a sense of balance in your nervous system. 4) Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is the art of being kind and understanding toward ourselves, especially in times of difficulty or stress. It's about acknowledging our feelings without judgment and offering ourselves the same kindness we would to a good friend. What you need to know is that the way you feel when you are experiencing FOMO is normal. These emotions, as intense as they may be, are a normal part of the human experience. It's vital, therefore, to refrain from self-criticism or negative self-talk. And most importantly, if you're feeling urges to harm yourself in any way, please remember that there are healthier ways to find relief.
Start by taking a deep breath and acknowledging the urge is there, without judgment of self. Observe it as an outside observer might, noting its intensity and where you feel it in your body. Keep breathing deeply, anchoring yourself in the present. Remind yourself that urges are temporary; like waves, they will dissipate. As you continue to breathe and observe, you'll notice the urge losing its power, diminishing like a wave receding back into the ocean. This process empowers you to handle distress without resorting to harmful behaviours, fostering resilience and a sense of control over your emotional world." Remember, you're not in this alone. Reach out to someone you trust. - a family member, a friend, a counsellor, or a support line. Sometimes, the simple act of voicing your feelings can significantly diminish their intensity. If you have the option to reach out to a family member, this may be your opportunity to Deepen Connections: talking to them may provide you with a shift in focus, which can alleviate anxiety and fear of missing out, enabling you to value and cherish your current moment Part 3 - Creating a Positive Experience for SelfImagine this scenario: you've chosen to stay in, and initially, it feels a bit uncomfortable, maybe even boring. You might feel like you're missing out on a fun gathering with friends. But here's where that old perspective shifts: sometimes, the most rewarding company you can have is your own. Learning to enjoy your own company isn't just about passing time; it's about becoming a friend to yourself, embracing self-connection and mindfulness. And, this ability to befriend self is an essential skill. After all, you are the one constantly in your life. Embracing solitude as an opportunity for self-discovery and enjoyment is a habit worth cultivating. I've even given it a fun name for you. This transformative concept will now forever be referred to as MOMO - which stands for Mindfulness of Missing Out: where we will emphasize being mindful and present in the moments you choose for yourself, instead of worrying about what you're not participating in. Here's how to set up your time: Be Intentional
Be Realistic
Be Compassionate
I'm excited for you to move beyond the emotional distress FOMO can bring, and to experience the joy and satisfaction of befriending yourself. It's a transformative process that I believe will bring you great peace and contentment.
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AuthorSusan Guttridge is a trauma-informed Master level Counsellor with the clinical designation of Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCPA). She has 20+ years experience providing individual and group therapy. Archives
January 2024
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